Indonesia’s Gossip Culture

I love living here in Indonesia, experiencing the Indonesia way of life and basically learning something new about myself every day. But there are definitely negatives. You leave all your long term friends behind in Australia or elsewhere in the world and are forced to make new friends – not a bad thing in itself. But you also become subject to Indonesia’s gossip culture. Indonesia is all about gossip. Everyone in the neighborhood knows your life story. Even if you have only told you Ibu Kost or one or two close friends something it will get out – that’s just life here.

And in many senses this is not a negative thing. It made it particularly easy when I first got here and told someone my story because I didn’t have to explain it over and over to everyone. This gossip is particularly highlighted amongst the pembantu’s and Ibu’s. The go to the market or the local street seller every morning to buy their food supplies for the day and exchange stories of the previous day. In this sense the gossip culture can be seen as a sign of bonding in your neighborhood, however, it’s not until recently I have seen the adverse effects of this gossip culture myself.

Having become a pawn in a friends gossiping game, I have recently been informed some of the things that have been said about me behind my back by someone I would have considered a friend. Thus, this revealed the negative side of the gossiping culture to me. Like anywhere in the world gossiping paves the path to backstabbing, deceit and bullying. The fact that stories you have told someone in confidence (or outright lies in some cases) have been making the rounds about you is not a pleasant thing to find out. It often feels like a breach of privacy and leaves one feeling betrayed – or at least that’s how I feel at the moment.

The fact that someone will use your story to progress their social standing amongst your peers and colleagues I feel is an abuse of trust and one that really leads you to question the person you are, the person you want to become, who you can trust, who you can’t and in essence who your real friends are. This has been this week’s revelation and the results have been surprising. People I’ve considered close friends, may not be as good a friends as I thought, and friendships I’ve neglected have come out to be the strongest friendships I’ve formed here. The realization of this means that in the future I will approach life here in a different light. I will no longer dismiss certain people because I’ve been told they’re using me as a bule, but get to know them face to face and then decide because in fact at the end of the day the people spreading these rumours are probably the ones I should be avoiding.

Lesson Learned Again!